My primary love language is Words of Affirmation. So, it’s not a big surprise that I really get off on my lovers talking dirty to me. It doesn’t take much, even just a well-placed, “Oh yeah baby that’s so good.” Makes me feel praised, turned on, and dare I say, ‘loved?’
Words of Affirmation: Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise, or appreciation.
I like to hear my name, and I like to be told I’m doing a good job. (I’ve always been a bit of a “good girl.”) I really need the affirmation of words and sounds to let me know clearly, that my partner is appreciating my ministrations. To me, there is nothing worse than a silent blow job. I need some feedback down here!
But it was around the time I was discovering my kinky side, that dirty talking really began to have a more active role in my sex life. The things I wanted to hear, changed slightly. Well ok, I’ll be perfectly honest, in my fantasy sex life, I had wanted to hear these things for years and years, but it wasn’t until I was able to allow myself to be this whole authentic totally sexual person, that I was learning to voice my desires and ask for what I wanted.
All through my late 30’s my fantasies centered on dominant women taking me and having their way with me. Often involving spanking, humiliation, and other aspects of D/s, all involving name calling and very dirty talk.
I was more drunk than sober when I finally asked a lover to call me dirty names. Now, that’s not really his thing, but he’s GGG (good, giving, game) so he rolled with it, (ever since then, he has enjoyed adding my “likes” into our sexy times.) I remember whispering to him, “Call me a slut. Tell me what a dirty girl I am. Please, make me beg for it.”
I think my desires had just finally reached the boiling point. I was tired of not being authentic to myself. I was already being very free about my sex life and had made a conscious decision to have as much sex as I wanted, when I wanted, and with whomever I wanted. Now I was ready to have the “kind” of sex I wanted too, and that sex was rough, dirty, wet, messy, and raw. This was a start.
That night, I also asked him to pull my hair and slap my ass very hard while we were fucking. We actually broke a condom, during the rough, hard sex I found myself demanding from him. (Forever branding him “Condom Malfunction Guy” amongst my friends!)
Benjamin was the first person I discussed these desires with, sober and as part of the bigger picture of the kind of D/s play we wanted to do together. We were both pretty new to this kind of relationship, but we had this crazy almost instant trust and our openness was reflected in the conversations and detailed plans we made before we even met. I told him up front, I want to be called dirty names, and he was happy to comply. As our relationship and style of play together progressed, I realized I also wanted him to tell me I am his good little slut, not just a dirty nasty one. I can see how this could be an ever-evolving process.
Now, when we play, and he wants me to come? He’ll whisper in my ear. Sometimes he even holds out, doesn’t say anything until he knows I am close to orgasm, that I’m desperate for release. Then he leans down and whispers filthy dirty talk into my ear, and that alone will push me over the edge.